okay so its christmas eve and i feel like crap i havent talked to my love for what seems like forever and im dieing i sprained my ankle and it hurts horible and i might need a pin in it which sucks i havent even gotten to do anything fun in so long but oh well thats fine

its been a while since i've posted but nothing really has changed im still with my lovely lovely boyfriend and we seem to be getting along better than before which is a relef because i thought it was going to all end there for a short while i dont know if im going to be able to see him over the break which really sucks cause i like to see him tomorrows our last day in school before winter break which is nice because i could use a break im going back to work at kings dominion and i really hope ryan and jimmy will come back they made last season a bit more fun then the season before today was todd and brittanys birthday i've been sick for a good while now its going on 2 weeks and it sucks its like a cold that never goes away the one acts are tomorrow and im going to try and get to that christmas is coming up soon and that should be interesting more clothes maybe ill get some bras that fit im starting to run out of them i've had a few problems lately one of them is sex which is odd because it used to be so amazing but lately we havent done anything and when we tried he ended up scaring me which i dont understand where the hell it come from and i started to cry and he stopped i wish that would change but i doubt that it will i guess im off for now

i havent talked to my lovely lovely boyfriend all weekend and its driving me insane i've never felt this bored before in my life were spose to work on his car today after my parents get home from playing bingo and maybe soon hell be ungrounded and that will be amazing

i dont have much to say today i love my amazing boyfriend

today was kinda odd i went in to school later than usual and i went and put my stuff down and got on the computer to look for some stuff for my lovely boyfriend and i completely lost track of time and didnt go to call my lovely boyfriend at 40 after i felt so bad and it was really horable all day because of that then on top of that he decided to tell me again after all of what i've being trying to change for him he tells me im being mean to him i really dont see that he really sees that i have changed more than ever in the past 2 weeks and it just doesnt seem right that he just completely over looks that but he always has so i really dont think he really ever will and it really hurts that he just really doesnt see it i dont see the point in changing anymore its not like he even cares about it i try so hard to be nice to him and when i do he over looks it completely and just finds all of my faults i know my faults already y cant he just tell me what i do right for once i went to history and was board out of my mind we did review then i went to oceanography and we took notes and did some maps but i really liked these maps but i dont remember what they were called and next i went to german and herr wurm was sick and not in a really good mood but i couldnt blame him the way people were acting i dont see why these people are taking this class if they just ruin it for everyone else we watched a movie and its the same movie we've watched every year and every year im amazed i really wish that we just had one day that we really took a good look at the history and such like the holocaust then i went to psych and that really sucked people shouldnt be allowed to have opinions when they really dont realize that what they are saying will change innocent peoples lives as well until there is no corupition in the judicial lines they cant hope for the best like they do then i went home and now im here

today was the same as anyother day i went to drivers ed and got a 75 on the simulator test but im not good at that because i keep falling asleep and i have a test next class on the crap we've been going over but i can use notes on all of it so im hopeing that ill beable to bring it all up and print it out so i dont have to worry i've managed to lose my work book so im kinda screwed on that note then i went to ta and that was really boaring i had to put contact paper on the windows so her classes were more isolated from the halls and it sucked really hard then i went to geometry and that was really boaring i hate math classes it feels like they never end i dont even see why i need the class i can pass the sols without it and not waste so much time in the class that and my teachers retarted and we dont get along and then we have some stupid extra teacher because of all the kids with iups in my class i dont like him at all and he needs to stop trying to help people because he has no clue what hes talking about at all and he always gives people the wrong answers then i went to english and that wasnt all but so bad but it still really sucked and i hate 2 people in my class really bad and i really hope they fail because it really sucks that theyre getting better grades than me and they dont do anything at all but i blame my teacher for that one i dont get it just about all my teachers suck this year other than herr wurm pruden and smith they arent that bad at all i actually look foreward to most of their classes and drivers ed isnt too bad but thats just because my teacher doesnt give a damn about anything at all really he lets us get away with just about anything other than smoking in class because he hates that my dad got the parts for my lovely boyfriends car but theyre a different color than the rest of the car so its gonna look really ghetto until him and his dad paint it and i hope its really soon so then the car wont look so bad cause it really looks bad and its not gonna cost as much money as everyone thought god bless earl and george for that one and i got my bass back today so i can start playing it again or at least try i dont really remember how to play it too much oh well im off for one more day

well i woke up took a shower and went to school i got to see my lively boyfriend early this morning and we went to the library and worked on his college stuff and even more stuff and i found out one more thing i didnt know about him hes into law after school i came home and finished putting together my new desk and cleaned up my room

todays been such hell the love of my lifes still grounded i cleaned for 4 hours for when my parents come back home tomorrow i talked to todd for a little while ate some pizza then i played monopoly twice with my sister and niece i felt sick for a good while and i really didnt like that but i guess i was just hungry bc after i hate i felt a lot better i really missed talking to my baby today and when i did finally get to talk to him he sounded so sad it makes me just want to go and steal him away but i cant not yet anyway but ill wait for him and then we can run away together and it will be amazing

okay so school was really boaring and it felt like it was never going to end my parents left so i get a break from my mom for this weekend which is something that i really needed i went and put in for some jobs and that wasnt too bad but i dont really want the job but thats okay then my lovely bf came over for a good while and we watched a movie went for a walk then just chilled for a little while and that was really nice because it was really calm and nice without any argueing which was really hard but it was worth it and im talking to him now getting ready to go to sleep which i cant wait for bc im beyond tired right now i got honor roll too

today started and ended really crappy my mom repedily got on my case about the accident and getting a job but she refuses to tell me i can get a job yeah i know how much the parts for his car are going to cost and for me not to take the money out of savings and for me to survive this winter i need to get a job and i know a place that will hire me now but my moms to much of a bitch to just let me get a flipin job and its frusterating as hell then on the bus some guy shuved his crotch in my face and when i said something to him i got yelled at by the sub bus driver and that really pissed me off but because of the other issues i didnt say anything back and that was almost imposible and damn did it show my lovely lovely sexy boyfriend came by for a little bit and that made me feel so much better until my bitch of a so called mother came home no i can really see where the rest of my family gets it i dont see why she doesnt just send me away to some other country to live with a family where the mother isnt such a disgrace to humanity and i honestly think that its parents like her that are causeing the economic downfall neither one of my sisters have a job both have kids and are mooching off of the state for help and neither are even looking for a job where then theres me who was never home and was raised by her brother grandma and aunt who cant go for all but so long without getting a job and supporting herself who has managed to find an amazing boyfriend thats beyond supporting of me and him which is so amazing to me to find a man his age thats willing to have a life and take care of everything himself and he treats me like a queen which i love to death i snapped a little and lost control and i think i have a wee bit of a concussion but thats okay ill live i have to manage everything but it seems worth it when i see my amazing boyfriend

it feels like im falling its almost like this amazing weightless feeling but then again its not as i fall back to reality i realize that i've ruined everything in everyones life but what else is new i've tried so hard but its like i cant break out of this blood and helplessness filled glass box i try and try to talk to him but i just cant anymore i cant leave him no matter how much i need to he says and says that i dont listen but its not just me he dosent either i cant even look at him without crying i cant even think anymore so much crap has happened that i just dont know what to do anymore i cant cry anymore i just cant it hurts too much for me to feel any type of emotion i have to fix everything that i've torn apart he only sees the bad that i've done never the good he's never seen any of the good that i've done yes i want him around and i need him there its like im 10 years ahead of where he's ati have to wait and wait for him to catch up every time he says anything to me it hurts and it seems like it shouldnt i've lost my life my world and my hope to someone who doesnt care anymore who doesnt need me anymore who doesnt want me anymore im not sorry anymore